I was laying in bed last night thinking about what support looks like in a relationship. Does your spouse or fiancé know how you like to be supported? Is this something that we speak about or expect others to assume?
I married my husband almost 11 years ago. When we got married I understood what marrying him (and the military) entailed. Supporting someone with a busy travel schedule, the uncertainty, the juggling everything solo etc. all comes with this lifestyle. Sometimes I rock at this and honestly, sometimes I just get through it.
This got me thinking about how I like to be supported. How do creative entrepreneurs like to be supported? What does this support look like while being married to a military man that isn’t always physically here?
My husband has done a wonderful job guessing over the years. Admittedly we don’t really sit down and chat about these things often. Here are my top ways I appreciate the support, especially in my busiest seasons.
1. The Little Tasks Add Up
My husband does a lot around here and I know I’m spoiled. He cooks, he cleans, he fills up my gas tank when he knows its low and will run errands for me while he’s out. He’s the man that always asks if I need anything before coming home from his work. He knows that grabbing it on the way saves me from having to make a separate trip out when I have a thousand other things on my to-do list. When he is just as busy with work, we out source. We hire people to help us with the snow removal, the cleaning, childcare etc.
2. We Are A Team
He travels a lot which mean I rock solo everything while he’s away. When he comes home he understands my need and want to get away for a bit. This could be anything from grabbing a coffee with friends all the way to booking a trip to hit that refresh button. Time away whether it’s work related or not is balanced out when possible. It is not a one sided supported relationship in this manner and I couldn’t be more grateful that we both understand this of each other.
3. Respect One Another’s Plans
We all live busy lives and it’s especially hectic throwing in various professional travel itineraries, wedding and session appointments, our children’s activities etc. I used to get so frustrated when he’d forget to write his deployment or tasking travels on our family wall calendar (I know, kicking it old school right?) because sometimes it left me scrambling to make alternate arrangements or panic for a sitter. Now we’ve joined the modern family and consistently use TimeTree. We are able to check in with all of our family plans before making new ones which elevates that stress.
4. Date Nights Are Key
Date nights for us are a time to refresh and get away together. It can be something as simple as grabbing a drink together after work to planning a trip together without the kids. This quality time together cannot be replaced. It’s a great time to get into some deeper conversation about our goals, business future and family plans without being interrupted by children needing us. While I absolutely love our boys beyond measure, I often remind myself that my marriage comes first and needs nurturing. Our love for each other is what brought these boys into our family after all right?